john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
