She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
