my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
