pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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