I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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