everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My bed smells like the plague
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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