I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
