we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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