I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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