At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
