My room smells like vodka and shame
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
