Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
