Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It was confusing and full of hummus
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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