guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
