Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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