I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
smell my finger.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
