On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
