Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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