When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
