Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
