Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
