He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
