it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
