I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You are a genius and a whore.
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