No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize