Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sponge bath it is.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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