how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
