I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
