Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I have post one night stand depression
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
