And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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