i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize