I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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