I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
