There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
