ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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