So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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