We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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