youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
