Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
