he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
