yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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