A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didn't notice because vodka
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
