His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
