girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
