Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
