i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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