the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
