Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dick very happy bro
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
