Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You ate ashes out of my bong
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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