he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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