using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
