If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
