the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize