There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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