She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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