dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
