u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
