my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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