just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
