"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
