whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize