it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They are going to name an STD after you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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