I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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