My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
