I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
