I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
