Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
