I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
