Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
