i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
