so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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