My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
