i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
