Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
